Denver Magazine / Denver Magazine February 2010 / Glo Knows: Valentines

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Glo Knows: Valentines

There is power in the right valentine’s day gift.

Before I get started, let me remind you that there are 365 days in a year. If you have to wait for Valentine’s Day to give the gift of love, your relationship is in big trouble, big guy!

Some guys don’t like Valentine’s Day, and I understand why. They say it’s too commercialized and all about the woman. They also say they hate having their gift compared to other guys’. In some circles, it’s all about competition. Here’s how the conversation between two guys might sound: Guy 1: “Hey man, where should I take her for Valentine’s Day?” Guy 2: “Man, you don’t know where to take your woman for the big day? You’ve been married for 15 years!” Guy 1: “Well, hell, man, she’s hard to please!” Guy 2: “How hard can it be? It’s been 15 years! She likes going out to dinner doesn’t she?” Guy 1: “Yeah, but I don’t know what she likes to eat.” Guy 2: “You’re in more trouble than I thought.” Guy 1: “Well, I guess you’ve got it all figured out?” Guy 2: “I do. I’m taking my woman to a restaurant where there will be a rooftop dinner waiting for her. Then, I’m going to have a violinist serenade her while I give her a scrapbook of all the pictures we’ve taken through the years.” Guy 1: “I guess you’ll be good for six months after all that.” Guy number one walks away defeated like a wounded gladiator. Guy number one also knows that not having an original idea for Valentine’s Day is like giving a woman a punch bowl!

For the record — ladies, you need to be on your game, too. I don’t care how long you’ve been married. You’ve got to change the spark plugs every now and then. You show me a marriage on autopilot, and I’ll show you a marriage on its way to divorce court! So ladies, if you’re using the same sexy nightie year after year just for Valentine’s Day: YAWN! You’re probably still having “married sex” — BORING! Surprise him with something totally out of character. Do something daring. Use your imagination; just don’t break the law. But if you do get caught, think of all the guffawing you’ll do once you’ve bonded out! Honey Hush!

One last thing, ladies: It doesn’t always have to be about sex. I know most men want the evening to end (and some even want it to begin) with sex. But let sex be the cherry on top of the evening. Too many times the cherry is the only thing that shows up on Valentine’s Day — and there’s usually not enough cherry to go around. Remember this ladies: If you start with sex, the only thing you’ll have left is a sleepy box of chocolates.

Finally, be in tune to what your partner likes. When it comes to gifts on Valentine’s Day, one size does not fit all! She may not like chocolates. He may not like lingerie — although, I want to meet this unusual fella. (Sidebar: Why is lingerie so damn expensive? It’s only on for seconds each time. Good Lord. You’d think it’s raw meat the way it’s ripped off ... so I’m told.) She may not like flowers. He may not like cards. Guys: She may just want to be held that night. Leave her lingerie alone. Is that so hard to do and understand? Ladies: He may just want you to go to a game with him without a whole bunch of questions. Is it so hard to SHUT UP for four hours?! Do your homework. After all, it’s your mate. Who better to know what he or she likes than you? Don’t forget the things you did to get that mate are the same things you need to do to keep that mate! Now, if you’re looking to get rid of your mate, that’s a different column.

These memories may or may not be something you can scrapbook. However, they are something you will remember for the rest of your life. So in 20 or 30 years when you’re sitting on a porch, rocking in a chair with your teeth in a cup, gumming your way through the latest tech gadget, you’ll remember all the times when your belly wasn’t so round or your hips weren’t so wide or your smile wasn’t so devoid of teeth. Nonetheless, you’ll remember. And isn’t that what it’s all about?