Those dirty hippies with their long, unwashed hair and unfamiliar sitar music are going to ruin the Democratic National Convention for everyone. Again. An umbrella group, going by the (we must admit, brilliant) name of Re-create ’68, has a long list of grievances from poverty, to the war in Iraq, to the U.S. occupation of Puerto Rico (really.) And they’re not going to shut up. until. their. voice. is. heard. Or until they’re overwhelmed by their own patchouli-scented self-righteousness and break for a nice veggie burrito.

We all remember that black & white footage from our American history class of the riots at the ’68 Democratic Convention in Chicago. Denver sure as hell isn’t letting that happen here. That’s why they’ve set up Orwellian-sounding “free speech zones” in our city’s parks. Cuz, you know, there’s a time and place for the First Amendment and apparently it’s not at a political convention.

To make use of these “free speech zones,” you’re required to have a permit, allocated by a drawing. (No doubt that’s exactly what our founding fathers meant with that whole “Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech” part.) Members of Re-create ’68 have rather cleverly stuffed the drawing boxes by applying not as a group, but as individuals. We’ll know in the next day or so how their ploy worked as names are drawn for the coveted Civic Center zone.

According to their website – written in a headache-inducing orange font – Re-create ’68 will be hosting five major protests, one on each day of the Convention, as well as a Festival of Democracy which will no doubt offer free anarcho-syndicalist literature for the kids!

Can’t wait for the Convention to get your revolutionary spirit on? You can join Re-create ’68 this Saturday, March 22nd, at Skyline Park to search the city for secret spy cameras put in place by The Man. So be sure to bring your tinfoil hat.