Call us conspiracy theorists if you must, but the Denverism staff is convinced the media broke the story of New York Governor Elliot Spitzer’s sexcapades with a, uh, “rented friend” in order to draw attention away from the scandalous behavior of the Colorado Senate.

No doubt you’re wondering what could be more fascinating than a sanctimonious governor, a $5,000 an hour prostitute, and a suite at a swanky DC hotel? House Bill 1017, that’s what. This piece of legislation, about to be passed by our so-called leaders in the Colorado State Assembly, would name the Western Painted Turtle the official State Reptile.

Really.

Angry mobs supporting the Colorado River Toad for the title of State Reptile have set up barricades on the 16th Street Mall and overturned police cars in protest.